The Inbetweeners Christmas Special
by GirlWednesday
Summary: Will and Alison invite the gang over for christmas dinner. What could possibly go wrong?
1. Chapter 1

"Well this is going to be a total fucking disaster."

Were the first words Alison heard when she awoke on Christmas day. She smiled to herself, somewhat amused by her boyfriends little rant.

It had been just over a year since her holiday to Malia and she had been living with Will for the past six months, despite being a couple, the Christmas previously Will was counting this as their first proper Christmas.

She climbed out of bed and made her way downstairs, she paused midway as she caught sight of Will on the phone, a sight which surprised her, as she presumed he was talking to himself, something which she found not to be uncommon with him.

"Here I am trying to make Christmas as perfect as possible and you go and piss on my plans, thanks Simon, thanks a lot." He concluded as he placed the phone down.

"Everything alright?" She cautiously asked to her enraged boyfriend.

"Oh nothing it's only Simon and Lucy being totally inconsiderate to my schedule."

"What's happened?"

"They're meant to be arriving in an hour. I specifically told them an hour, but no Simon has to be different." He continued ignoring her previous question.

"Will calm down." She ordered as she stood behind him massaging his tense shoulders.

"How can I calm down? I placed the turkey in the oven precisely an hour and fifteen minutes ago for a reason." He asked shocked by her laid back attitude.

"Go on then why precisely an hour and fifteen minutes ago?" She humoured whilst rolling her eyes.

"It's going to take three hours to cook, so that would leave us with an hour to get ready before the others arrive , which would then give us an hour to exchange pleasantries and make small talk whilst pretend we love the crap presents we receive." He listed becoming evermore flustered.

"And the fifteen minutes?"

"That's for Neil he always misses the turn off on the drive over here, so he will be fifteen minutes late."

"See you have it planned what could possibly go wrong?" She reassured.

"I tell you what shall I? Simon being Simon decided to propose." He raved putting angry emphasis on the Simon part.

"Awww that's lovely." Alison replied a starry look in her eyes.

"Yes if he hadn't ballsed the whole thing up, by hiding the ring in the Christmas pudding, for Lucy to later get stuck in her throat, so now they will be spending the morning in A and E."

"Oh, how selfish of them." She sarcastically replied.

"You're right there, he could have at least waited until boxing day to have made a fool out of himself." He agreed missing her sarcasm.

"Well Lisa, Neil, Jay and Jane, will be on time." She offered.

"Brilliant bloody brilliant." He exclaimed, this time it was his turn for the sarcasm.

A shrill ring of the telephone abruptly ended the conversation of the doomed Christmas.

"So I'll just get that." She announced as she gestured to the phone.

"Hello." She said to the receiver.

Will began pacing the carpet trying to alter his schedule around Simon and Lucy's lateness.

"Oh Hi. Mrs Mackenzie." He heard his girlfriend say.

"I'm not here." He mouthed.

"I'm afraid, Will can't come to the phone right now he's on the toilet."

"What?" He mouthed horrified.

"Yeah I think he's got food poisoning, must have been from the chicken."

Will shuddered at that line it reminded him too much of the day he bunked off and ended up calling Neil's dad a bumder. He made a mental note not to share any more of his traumatic and humiliating sixth form experiences with Alison.

"Oh yeah, it's awful, coming out of both ends and the smell oh my god it's enough to make your eyes burn." She dramatised.

Will stood fixated to the spot as he felt himself go red with embarrassment before presenting her his middle finger.

"Well have a good Christmas, I'll get Will to call you when he's recovered." She concluded, desperately trying not to laugh before placing the phone back on the hook.

"Still avoiding your mother then?" She stated putting on a disapproving tone.

"It was her that made it awkward." He insisted as he opened the final door of the advent calendar and ate the chocolate.

"Oi you four eyes loser, that was mine." She shouted infuriated by his inconsiderate action.

"I'm perfectly within my rights."

"This should be good." She sarcastically muttered under her breath.

"Last week I bought a tub of celebrations and a tub of Quality Street." He proceeded.

"Good for you."She mocked.

"So you can imagine my horror when I came home from university to find all the malteasers gone from the celebrations and all the toffee pennies gone from the quality street."

"It was Jane." She quickly lied trying to disguise her look of guilt.

"Oh really?" He replied using the tone he often used to use for Jay.

"Yeah well you know what she's like."

"I don't actually, care to explain?"

"Shut up and anyway you're avoiding the issue of you're mother."

"The issue will go when she dumps that bell end Gilbert."

"I think its sweet she has found love."

"I doubt that man is even capable of love."

"You're being unfair." She reasoned.

Before Will could protest further a shrill ring of the doorbell ended the debate.

"Who could that be?" Alison wondered as she glanced her wrist watch.

"I don't believe this forty five minutes early."

The young couple made their way over to the door wondering who it could be.

"Neil probably got confused." Will concluded as he opened the door.

To Will's surprise or what he would describe as horror, stood at the door with two suitcases at his side and looking rather worse for wear, was his father.

"Hey son, how about you let your old dad use your spare room?"

"Is it to late to hide in the kitchen and pretend we're not here?" He asked Alison as he turned a pale white with a look a dread in his eyes.

**A/N: Thanks for reading, the next part should be up soon.**


	2. Chapter 2

Will stood for a moment observing his father, with a look of horror across his face as he tried to work out what could've possibly brought him here.

"What the bloody hell have you done now?" He demanded.

"Will, that is no way to talk to your father." Alison interrupted, before his dad had a chance to respond.

"He left me and my mum for a younger woman, on the contrary I think that was quite polite, considering." He defended shooting his father a look of disapproval as he did so.

"C'mon son, I've seen the error of my ways." His father declared.

"I'm listening."

"I left my wife for someone my own age." He explained somewhat proudly.

"Right, well have a merry Christmas." Will calmly stated before slamming the door his face.

Alison reopened the door and greeted her boyfriend's dad with a warm smile.

"Would you like to come in for a drink?" She offered.

"Don't let him in, it's like vampires you invite them in and then you're stuck with them." Will despaired.

"Ignore Will, he's just not feeling very festive." She warmly advised.

"Well if I wasn't before, I'm certainly not now." Will muttered in the background.

"You're going to love my new girlfriend." His dad informed as he chose to ignore his son's ill feeling.

"Oh really? Just like I was going to love the last one?"

"Exactly." He agreed missing his insincerity.

"Well why isn't she here now? and if you're in a new relationship what's with the luggage?" He grilled somewhat suspicious.

"The wife changed the locks."

"Of course she did."Will muttered under his breath.

A light tap on the door brought the somewhat awkward conversation to an abrupt end.

"Ah that must be her now." His dad informed as he excitedly dashed to answer.

"I dread to think." Will groaned as he anticipated her arrival.

Within moments the woman was stood in their lounge and it was fair to say she was the last thing Will would've expected. Her hair was tied back in a tight bun and even though it was Christmas day she was wearing a three piece suit as if she was going to work and on her nose rested her glasses.

Will stared at her for a few moments her face had seemed strangely familiar yet he couldn't place her.

"I get that a lot off uni students, so memorable yet I have a forgettable face."She said matter of factly whilst keeping a serious face.

"Oh my God you're Sarah Spary, aren't you?" Will asked stunned by the woman that stood in front of him.

"Yes." She merely stated un phased by the star struck student.

"Who?" Alison spoke up, confused by the encounter.

"How could you not know who she is?" Will questioned a look of shock horror across his face.

"Alright, calm down." She defended.

"She is one of the top professors in her field at the university she has published hundreds of articles, five hundred and two to be specific on her specialist subjects, she has appeared on mastermind and countdown which may I add won both, she also graduated high school at just thirteen and it's considered a high honour to be taught by her." He listed.

"That's correct." She smiled as if it was the most everyday thing in the world.

"I knew he'd love her." His father smiled gleefully.

"I forgive you for all your mistakes." Will happily announced to his dad.

"I must say, it's a breath of fresh air to find someone of your intelligence William, with an IQ as high as mine it's extremely hard to find someone I can have an intelligent conversation with." Sarah said as they walked into the kitchen area.

Will's father and Alison were left stood together in the living room, he looked her up and down a few times.

"So you are real then?" He commented surprised.

"What?" She responded somewhat horrified.

"Well I presumed Will had pulled some prostitute off the pavement and forced her to pose for a photo when he sent me that picture message last year."

"Charming." She muttered before rolling her eyes in disbelief.

The hour flew by quickly for Will as he got to know his new step mum a lot better as they engaged in conversation from Politics and law to the current economic climate, something in which he found to be refreshing.

A shrill ring of the doorbell brought the conversation to an end.

"Oh is that the time already?" Will asked as he got to his feet to answer the door.

As he reached the door to his surprise it was Neil and Lisa, who had arrived dead on time.

"Neil, I'm impressed you didn't miss the turn off." Will congratulated in a patronising tone.

"I drove actually." Lisa announced proudly as a cheesy grin spread across her face.

"So you didn't miss the turn off?"

"Well duh you can see it a mile off." She confirmed.

"So hang on a minute." Will proceeded.

"Ok." She smiled.

"So let me get this straight every time Neil drives down here, he misses the turn off."

"That's right." She nodded.

"And you have just said you can spot the turn off a mile away." He continued.

"Um hmm." She nodded completely blind to where he was leading.

"And all those times it never occurred to you to correct him on his mistake?" He concluded.

"You know that's not a bad idea." Neil shared a look of realisation spreading across his face.

"Yeah, that would have saved us a lot of time." She agreed.

"And effort." He added.

"And twenty pounds worth of petrol." Lisa concluded.

"Come on in." Will invited as he rolled his eyes.

Will took their coats and led them into the lounge where Alison was making awkward conversation, his dad and Sarah.

"Neil, Lisa. This is my dad and this is his new girlfriend." Will introduced.

Sarah took one look at Neil and a look of shock and surprise flooded her face.

"Oh my God Neil" She gasped.

"Alright mum? Long time no see." He replied in a casual manner with a blank look upon his face before making a bee line for the tin of quality street with Lisa trailing behind him.

"Did you just say what I think you did?" Will asked flabbergasted by the scene he had just witnessed.

"I dunno, what do you think I said?" As he looked up from the tin of chocolates.

"That she's your mother." He stressed, exasperated that he would have to state the obvious.

"Yeah I said that." He shrugged as if it was the most everyday thing in the world.

"I honestly don't believe it."

"No neither do I, there are no toffee pennies in the quality street, honestly Will I think you need to sort out your priorities." Neil lectured.

"Your mother who you haven't seen for years suddenly shows up out of the blue and you're worried about the lack of toffee pennies in the quality street?"

"If you think that's bad there isn't any malteasers in here." Lisa sulked as she held up the tin of celebrations to emphasise the point.

"I've spoken about her hundreds of times in the past when I've read her articles, didn't it occur to you to mention she was your mother?"

"You didn't ask."

"Alright?" Came a familiar male voice from behind him.

Will turned his head to find Jay stood behind them, he looked at him and noticed that where Jane usually stood beside him was an empty space.

"Now I bet you're all wondering where Jane is." Jay stated as he put on a tone Will recognised as the one he would talk in before he would spout bull shit.

"Oh so this should be interesting, not only will I have the pleasure of finding out how someone as intelligent as her could produce someone as thick as Neil, I'll also have to endure the tall tale of why Jay is alone, no doubt she was abducted by aliens." He ranted in a sarcastic manner.

"Was she Jay?" Neil questioned a look of open mouth shock across his face.

**A/N: Here it is part two, for those of you missing Simon he'll make an appearance soon.**


	3. Chapter 3

The group stood for a moment looking at Jay. All waiting for an excuse as to where Jane was.

"Well she's stuck in traffic isn't she?" Jay explained.

"You're losing your touch mate." Neil said as he emptied the entire contents of the quality street onto the floor.

"Neil, you're not going to find any toffee pennies." Alison snapped ,her shoulders becoming as tense as Will.

"Seriously she's stuck in traffic." Jay defended.

"Oh so how did you get here so fast?" Will challenged as he became even more infuriated.

"Well she couldn't handle it could she?"

"This should be good." Will muttered under his breath.

"Well my excellent use of three point turns, the extremely smooth parallel parking and the effortless use of the joystick, she couldn't handle my drive so she decided to take her own car."

"Here we go again." Will responded as he rolled his eyes in disappointment.

"What being a more experienced driver than Jane, my powerful engine knows all the right roads to go down if you know what I mean." Jay winked.

"How about we open presents?" Alison stepped in as she painted on a false look of enthusiasm.

"Oh were we meant to bring presents?" Will's dad asked as he looked around the room, a look of guilt on his face.

"How were you to know? I believe the gift is a classic symbol of the Christmas festivities ,but don't listen to me, I'm just old fashioned in that sense." Will sarcastically replied as he took a deep breath.

"I sense some ill feeling." Sarah whispered to her boyfriend.

"Oh don't worry mum, Will says not to listen to him, so it's fine." Neil reassured as he got to his feet and tossed the tin of Quality Street to the side which landed with a large clunk as it hit a lamp shade.

"It's in Jane's car." Jay shrugged.

"What a surprise." Alison replied before mentally cursing herself for sounding like Will.

"No problemo, I have brought you all a present." Neil announced as he handed out a present to Will and Alison and Jay who promptly tore off the wrapping paper that was wrapped in tin foil.

"I got the idea after watching Gavin and Stacey." He proudly announced.

"Smithy is so clever." Lisa shared with a serious look across her face.

The trio all exchanged confused glances to one another as they each wondered what to say.

"Oh God I knew it was a mistake leaving him with his dad, but I didn't expect this."Sarah despaired as she looked at her son's gift in surprise.

"Don't listen to them Neil, a chocolate egg is a fab present." Lisa defended.

"At Easter yes, at Christmas not so much." Will stepped in correcting Neil on his mistake.

"It was your idea."

"At what point, did I suggest Easter eggs at Christmas?"

"You said this year you weren't going down the same old traditional route."

"You did say that." Jay whispered.

"How about we all move into the kitchen and check on the food?" Alison suggested.

"It only takes five of us." Will replied before ushering, Jay, Alison , his dad and Sarah into the kitchen.

"Something we said?" Neil asked when him and Lisa were alone in the living room.

Over in the kitchen Will was met with a raw turkey that represented his feelings on the day, cold and lifeless.

"Hmmm maybe you should have turned the oven on." Jay suggested as he turned the dial which illuminated the oven in an orange glow.

"Seems odd doesn't it? He's academically brilliant yet he can't master the art of using an oven." Sarah mused aloud.

Will bit his tongue, his enthusiasm over his stepmother was decreasing by the second.

The groups attention was caught by the sound of Neil and Lisa shouting from the living room where they had left them a mere minute ago.

"Blow harder, blow harder, blow harder." Neil shouted repeatedly.

"I can't it's too big."

A smirk formed across Jay's face as he heard what was going on before winking at Will.

"There will be no funny business in this house." Will declared before charging through to put a stop to their antics.

As he arrived he was stopped dead in his tracks and he couldn't help wonder whether Neil and Lisa getting off on the floor would've been the more preferable option.

To his horror he found Neil and Lisa stood around the Christmas tree that was engulfed in flames, filling the room with black smoke and they were trying to put it out using the same method someone would use to blow out candles on a cake.

"Oh look my tree has spontaneously combusted." Will raged before whipping out his phone to call the fire brigade.

**A/N: Sorry for the delay in updating, there is one more chapter left and Simon will finally make an appearance. And those of you who don't watch Gavin and Stacey, Smithy is Gavin's best friend who wrapped the Christmas presents in tin foil and is far from clever.**


	4. Chapter 4

Will and the group sat outside of the flat on the cold pavement, huddled up with foil blankets provided by the fire brigade wrapped around them.

"It's not that bad." Jay observed as he looked at the smoke rising up above the engulfed flat.

"Yes a lick of paint will do it the world of good." Will's dad chipped in as he stood up to join Jay.

"They're right, you can't even tell." Alison agreed, placing a comforting hand on Will's shoulder.

Will merely presented them with his middle finger before muttering under his breath about how he knew that this was a bad idea.

"Easter egg?" Neil offered, breaking off a piece of chocolate and offering it to Will.

"Where did you even get them, at Christmas sweetie?" Sarah asked as she softened her tone to a motherly level, it had been a while since she had seen him and her ex husband had reassured her he was doing fine, however she was starting to worry.

"They were left over from the Easter before last." Lisa cut in, causing Will to promptly spit his out onto the pavement.

"Right as soon as this is over you and Lisa are coming back with me."

"But what about us?" Will's dad asked stunned.

"Well I'd offer you a place to stay but..." Will said before gesturing to the burning building with a smug look on his face.

"Well, I'm sure my parents wont mind putting the three of us up." Alison offered in attempts to rectify the situation.

"Well I can't believe you've dropped me to look after your son." Will's dad huffed at Sarah.

"He got Easter eggs at Christmas, there is work to be done."

"Excuse me are you the householder?" A fireman asked as he came over to speak to Will.

"How bad is it?" He asked not willing to drag it out.

"I'm afraid it's completely gutted, I'm surprised it went up so quickly, this is detective Jones, he is here to investigate the fire." He said as he pointed to the man who came up behind him."

"Yes I have a few questions."

"My friend Neil will explain all." Will said as he stepped away to the side.

"Well it's a funny story really." Neil started.

"Well it better be hilarious, considering I've lost my house and all my belongings." Will interjected.

"Well actually we managed to salvage these." The fireman said as he held up Will's dad's suitcases.

"See Will, every cloud." He grinned as he took the cases of the fireman, a wide grin across his face.

"As you were saying Neil?"

"Well you left the Christmas pudding on the table."

"How would that cause a fire?" Will asked, his jaw clenched as he tried to keep calm.

"Well we were going to do that trick where you pour brandy over it and set it on fire."

"But with a twist." Lisa added.

"A twist?" Detective Jones asked as he took notes.

"Yeah we didn't have any brandy so we used petrol." Neil concluded his voice monotone.

"Ok let's get them down to the station." Detective Jones announced to his radio.

"Hang on a minute, you can't just take us." Will protested as an officer put handcuffs on him.

"This is quite clearly arson, do you think we're stupid?"

"If you knew him you would understand." Jay spoke up as the pushed him into the police car.

"I'm arresting you all on suspicion of arson and may I add of all the insurance scam stories I've heard in my time, this one really takes the biscuit."

"That's not the correct way to caution, whatever happened to you have the right to remain silent?" Will challenged before they closed the car door on him.

Within seconds the group were handcuffed and whisked off to the station and with that the fire brigade packed up and drove off, leaving a thick cloud of smoke from where the fire had taken place.

For a while all was quiet as the smoke and embers danced around in the wind as the area cleared allowing the outline of charred the charred building to be seen. The silence was soon broken by the sound of two cars pulling up behind each other.

Out from the first car stepped Simon Cooper on the phone to his girlfriend, he was so preoccupied he hadn't noticed the destruction around him.

"C'mon Luce, I said I was sorry, just call me back when you get this message and sorry for the long voicemail."He apologised with his phone up against his ear.

He sighed to himself before placing his phone back into his pocket and he couldn't help wondering maybe an hour long voicemail was a bit extreme.

His attention was caught by the sound of a car door slamming shut behind him, he quickly turned around to be met by Jane, holding a bag of presents in her hand.

"I'm a bit late I was stuck in traffic." She explained before looking over in shock at what was left of the house.

"What the hell has happened here?"

"Well there seems to have been a fire."

"Why can't things just ever go normally?" Simon despaired.

A shrill ring of Jane's phone brought the conversation to a close.

"It's Jay." She informed as she read the message.

"What's he got to say?"

**From Jay.**

**Jane,**

**Come down to police station with £20 bribe money and tell them I'm not an arsonist.**

**Don't bother about the others, just as long as they don't drop the soap in the shower, they'll be fine.**

**Ps. Merry Christmas. xx**

"So whats happened?" Simon asked as he noted her shocked expression.

"You drive I'll explain on they way." She replied knowing they had a very bizarre day ahead of them.

**The End.**


End file.
